"Parenthood: Not a One-Size-Fits-All Journey"
Written by: Marina Townsend
Last year 15-year-old Elianne, on her way to school, never had the chance to make it there, nor did she return home. The reason behind this tragic loss was a 17-year-old boy caught up in what can only be described as an ego-driven conflict, claimed her life.
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For as long as I can remember, I've oscillated between the desire to have children. When i was 16 I expected to have 3 kids and a husband at the age of 22, then when i reached adulthood and witnessed friends who had kids in their teens struggle in many ways, i opted out, then when in love my partner and i would both yearn for parenthood, only for me to be followed by moments of doubt.
Over the past year, my stance has solidified - I'm just not sure children are not in my future. There are multiple reasons for this uncertainty, but the one that weighs heaviest on my heart, especially after the heartbreaking news of Elianne murder, is the undeniable fact that there are already countless children in this world who desperately need saving.
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My love for children is unwavering, yet it pains me to witness that a lot of children are not being raised with love and security but instead surrounded by so much evil and hatred that sometimes begins in the home. I myself am only able to find solace and face each day through the grace of God.
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Within my extended family, I have nieces, nephews, and cousins, and all I can do is pray for their well-being but find comfort in knowing who is raising them.
It is disheartening to witness the absence of proper parenting, the toxic relationships that expose children to harm, and the trauma that some carry with them. Some children carry weapons with no intentions but as a desperate attempt to protect themselves from those who have not been nurtured or understood by the people around them.
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Moreover, we must scrutinise a system that does not do enough to safeguard our children. The ease with which dangerous items like machetes and swords can be obtained is concerning. It is crucial for parents to take a proactive role in their children's lives. Engage in open conversations, prioritise their well-being, and be vigilant. Yes, there are instances where parents have exhausted every effort, yet their child still becomes everything they were striving to avoid due to influences around them and other factors unknown to anyone besides themselves.
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Many people, especially parents, often claim that having children is the most rewarding experience in life, and I can certainly understand why they feel that way. However, it's important to acknowledge that when you become a parent, your life undergoes a significant transformation. You shift your focus towards caring for this precious little human – providing love, nurture, food, baths, clothing, and guiding them through life's journey.
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As your child grows, a new set of worries takes hold. You find yourself anxious when they're apart from you, whether it's at nursery, school, a relative's house, college, or even when at your workplace – anywhere you can't see them. Financial concerns may also weigh on your mind, along with the worry of unintentionally passing down unresolved traumas. Even for those who turn to prayer and seek the protection of a higher power, the unease persists.
For those who might dismiss these concerns as trivial and already have children, well, i'll pray for you and yours.
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In today's world, we can't control every aspect of our children's lives. Society, educational systems, and global challenges are ever-evolving, which can add to the complexity of parenthood. It's natural to be cautious about rushing into parenthood, as the influences and pressures children face can be daunting. Even if you raise them with love and discipline, external factors can shape their experiences in ways beyond our control.
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Doing what we can to have a positive impact on the children already in our lives is crucial so that when they go on to have kids at a later date they aren't raising broken children but instead a healthy refection of themselves.
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As i said at the start this is just one of the reasons as to why I'm not sure if birthing a child is in my future, the other 158 reasons are completely selfish and that's ok too!